Monday, February 27, 2006

Ever feel like you need a change or need to make some kind of drastic move? Well, that's the way I've been feeling. I'm not sure exactly what kind of change I'm looking for exactly, but I know that something has to be done to break up the monotony of my life...

I hate to say it, but there's nothing going on in my life that I really excited about or interested in. Each day I wake up to do the same practical routine, go to bed, and do the same thing all over again. I don't look forward to work :(, but while I'm there all I can think about is getting out. Then, when I'm home, I look forward to getting out. I know that everyone has some routineness to their lives, but things have been this way for me for too long! I can't remember when I was really excited or looking forward to something.

I'm not sure what that means, but my guess is that there's something missing in my life. People have all different types of needs, such as physical, spiritual, emotional, and psychological ,among others. When one is not being met or is insufficient, I think it leads people to feeling the way I do.

Last week, I had a little argument with my mom (sadly, not too unusual). Of course, it was about my Diabetes and the fact that, I feel, she lacks interest in my disease. I know people say things that they don't mean when they are angry, but I think sometimes there is an element of truth in what is said. Basically, my Mom said that to her, it seems, that I have no other interest outside my Diabetes. In other words, she was telling me that don't have a life. I let my Diabetes take over everything and I don't partake in anything that would make my life more interesting or fufilling.

Ok, ok, maybe she's right. There isn't a whole heck of a lot of things that I'm interested in. I don't have any hobbies, aside from my hobby of surfing the internet for Diabetes related things, but that relates to Diabetes, so I guess that doesn't count. I don't belong to any clubs. And I don't take any classes or lessons at the moment.

My average work day consists of me getting up and ready for work, staying at work until 4:30ish, and then heading for the gym. By the time I get home, I am usually starving and exhausted. I really don't feel like doing anything by that point. I'm sure most people my age would still go out and do things, even after a long day. And I know that most have a variety of interests, aside from just one thing, but I'm just not one of them. Yes, Diabetes consumes most of my thoughts, and maybe it's not healthy, but it's part of who I am and I am not going to pretend otherwise. However, I agree that it shouldn't be the only thing that I take an interest in.

If I knew or found something I was really excited about, I'm sure life would be a little nicer, but I just don't have the motivation or energy to figure out what that is. No, I'm not depressed, if that's what you are thinking (at least I don't think so). I think I'm just in a rut and I'm not yet ready to do anything about it...though it doesn't stop me from complaining about it, lol.

It's funny because I've had these random ideas of things I could do, including shaving my head or possibly moving to CA. The shaving my head thing, well, I guess that really appeals to me only b/c I'd love to see people's reactions ( everyone thinks I'm SO straight-laced). But the moving to California idea really is something I've considered and still wonder about. It would be a huge change, one I'm not sure I'd be prepared for, but maybe it's necessary and worth it. I mean, I like Cali. The weather's usually nice, the lifestyle seems so much more relaxed, and the idea of starting over somewhere else is really exciting and frightening at the same time.

However, there's no way I can just up and move. I don't have a job there, I don't have a place to stay, I don't know anyone, aside from my uncle and his family, and I'd really be by myself. Not to mention that I would have to go through the process of finding a new doctor, Endocrinologist, and CDE/dietician. That's not a process I particularly enjoy. Also, I wonder if I'd be homesick, sad, and even more lonely than I already can be at times. I know I'd miss my family a lot and talking on the phone, just isn't the same. That would definitely be the main reason preventing me from making that giant step.

I guess I could always come back if I hated it that much, but it seems like an awful lot to go through, and put my family through, if I'm not going to stay and make it work. I don't know, I'm not ruling it out, it's an option I'm considering, but I don't know if right now is the right time. I guess we'll see.

5 Comments:

Blogger Shannon said...

From a mom's point of view, if my son's only hobby was his diabetes, I wouldn't hold that against him. I would want it to be ONE OF HIS HOBBIES. Having diabetes as a hobby is better than being blasé about it and not managing it properly.

With that being said, look through the newspaper for announcements for classes like cooking or stained glass, or something that would interest you.

I'm in a rut also and I totally know how you feel. I'm thinking of possibly taking a language class. There are ones available for Gaelic, Mandarin, Italian, etc.

I was also contemplating participating in a Sprint Triathlon (it's really short and seems doable).

Just don't shave your head!

7:07 PM  
Blogger bethany said...

I understand completetly. I get up go to work go to class come home do homework look at diabetes stuff online and then go to bed. It's all I do every day. I don't hang out with people. I don't go out and do something fun. It's my life. By the time I get home I'm so tired (and hungry) I don't do anything else... it's frustrating. Good Luck

7:32 PM  
Blogger mytime79 said...

I think what you have just described is a girl in her mid-twenties. Most of my friends (myself included) are unsure of what they are doing, whether it be the job, location, single, getting married, etc...

We're not as young as we once were :) it's hard to go out after a long day of work, and add the gym on top of that, us old people get tired.

If it makes you feel any better I'm all about coming home from work, I rarely go out during the week. I also think that winter time SUCKS. Even if you want to do something it's too freakn' cold out (maybe that's another reason to move to Cali). Hang in there, once it starts to get nicer maybe you'll feel more energy to do stuff.

A bunch of my friends have picked up the hobby of knitting, they like it, just a thought. I'm more of a sports person and have joined some sport and social clubs (even by myself) in Baltimore.

I wouldn't rule Cali out if your thinking about it. I'm kind of ready for a move, but it'll prob be to NYC, which is not that bad because I know a lot of people there, but still really scary. I think you should look into it. I have a bunch of friends outside of San Diego and they LOVE IT!!!!!!! It's so chill out there.

12:27 AM  
Blogger Lyrehca said...

Maybe you can plan a trip out to California to see what it's like out there for a week. That would give you something else to plan for and get excited about, and you would be able to figure out where in Cali (it's a big place) you might like to live. You could ask to stay at your uncle's house so you could save on a hotel cost, but rent a car and do a lot of day trips (on your own) to explore and see what it's like.

10:53 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Thanks so much for the support and feedback :) You all are awesome!

Shannon- I have to admit that Diabetes seems to be my only real interest and maybe that's not such a good thing. In a way, I think I'm afraid by not focusing on it so much, I'll spiral out of control. Maybe that's irrational, but that's my feeling.

I do think that it would be healthier and more beneficial to me to have some other interests, but lately I have no motivation to do anything about it... I'm not really sure why that is.

However, I think once I do find something I enjoy it probably will be worth my energy and effort. Life shouldn't JUST be about my Diabetes. It will always be a huge part of whom I am, but it souldn't be everything.

Thanks for your response. :)

Bethany-

Sounds like you and I have similar lives...lol ;)

Not to use this disease as an excuse, but I do think that it takes a lot out of you. It's exhausting dealing with fluctuating blood sugar levels all day and I don't think others w/o the disease can really appreciate that.

It's good to know that there are other people out there who understand. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone :)

MT-
I agree with you...I think that there's many 20-something year olds who don't know what to do with their lives.

My life has always had a lot of uncertainty, probably more than just a degree. I just wish I was more sure about things and what I wanted from life. Lately, I feel like I'm jut floating along and I dont' think life should be that way. Make sense?

Like I told Shannon, I do feel like I have to find other interests outside Diabetes and Diabetes-related stuff. I hate to say it, but nothing comes to mind when I'm asked what I'm interested in. I enjoy doing things, but I don't think enough to actually go out and pursue those things. Ugh.

I haven't ruled out Cali, but I can't lie, I'd be scared sh&tless to make that kind of move. It would be a huge deal for me...and like I mentioned in my post, there's a lot of potential roadblocks. We'll see, if not right now, maybe some point in the future.

Thanks for your thoughtful response, as always.

Lyrehca,

The idea of moving to CA. does appeal to me, especially being that we're stuck in winter drudgery. However, there are roadblocks as I have mentioned, and I'm not quite certain I'm ready for making that move.

I have been there a couple of times (and stayed with my uncle). It's funny, b/c while I was there, I felt so much more relaxed and my blood sugar was SO much better. It's strange.

Anyway, thanks for your comments...means a lot. Who know, maybe one day I'll be a West Coast girl ;)

9:27 AM  

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