Sunday, February 05, 2006


I did something last night I was planning on not doing again. I subscribed to Match.com...well, sort of. There were offering one of their free 3 day trials so, I thought, what do I have to lose? If nothing encouraging happens in the next few days (I know that's asking a lot!), I"ll cancel. However, being me, I need to analyze why I even decided to do this in the first place. And, honestly, I'm not entirely sure ???

My feeling is that it's because of what happened with D. I don't think that I am going to hear from him again after my last email. If he didn't have the impression before, I think he probably has the impression now that I'm not interested in pursuing anything with him. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a really nice guy and person, but I have a feeling that we aren't right for each other.

To be honest, we never really evolved from a friendship type of relationship. There just wasn't that spark there for me...and I'm not sure it was there for him either. We met for lunch once, and I felt like I could have been talking to just about anyone...not to someone whom I was really interested in getting to know. I basically rambled through the whole lunch and I didn't feel like I was getting anything in return. Plus, I think I never really was that comfortable with him, for some reason (probably the reason for my non-stop babbling). Frankly, it was a little disappointing.

I know when you start getting to know someone, it's always awkward- that's something I truly hate. However, I never was able to be completely at ease, like I said, or be myself with him. And I also felt like he was holding back too. Why couldn't we just relax?

I know it sounds like I have made the decision not to pursue anything further with him. But, the thing is, if I hear from him, I don't know how I'll react. I think that's because I'm afraid I'll be kicking myself for letting this go or for not being more aggressive or assertive (not sure either is the right word)with things. Like I said, he is a good guy and I'm not sure there are a lot of them left out there. Ugh, I wish I knew the right thing to do. I'm really not sure of where things stand at this point. :(

I'm not happy. I wish things were different. I wish that I was more open and not so closed up about everything. I wish I could more easily relax and be myself with others. I know,in a way, that's me trying to protect myself. However, it dosen't making getting to know someone easy.

I know, most likely, things with D. will end...which poses the question, D. posed to me.. How do you meet other people? Being that I'm on the shy side and a bit of a homebody, I know it isn't going to be easy. Being me, it will probably be difficult. But, saying that, I don't want to be by myself either. I'd like to meet someone great to connect with. Is that asking for so much?

Maybe I'll luck out and I'll meet someone great off Match. But, truthfully, I have my doubts. I've subscribed before and been disappointed. What's going to change this time to make it different? Have I changed somehow? Will there be someone else out there who is better suited for me? I'd like that to be true, but I don't think so. I guess time will tell- well, at least we'll see what happens in the next day or two.

7 Comments:

Blogger Johnboy said...

Hey, Andrea. I have heard before that when you stop looking for it, love will find you.

I don't know if that's actually true or just a load of crap. However, maybe it has something to do with relaxing and being yourself (as in when you aren't trying so hard).

I'm not sure about match.com, but you won't find anyone in your home unless you invite someone over! So putting yourself in a place where good guys are likely to be would be important. While it's possbile to find someone in a bar, the best guys may be more likely to be in a church with an active singles membership, coffee shops, bookstores and places like that.

Then again, this is just one guy's opinion. :)

11:14 AM  
Blogger julia said...

I did Match.com for a few months about a year after my ex-husband and I split up. I met a couple of guys - two that I dated for a while. I'm still friends with one of them. I also met a lot of freaks and guys just looking to get laid, which was not what I wanted. I think it's a decent way to meet people. You get out of it what you put in. Have you looked into eHarmony? I've heard good things about them.

1:30 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

To be completely honest, I've never been that comfortable with the club or bar scene. I've heard that it really isn't the best place to meet someone, though I'm sure it's happened in the past.

I've been in book stores quite a bit. As for Church, I haven't attended in the longest time, so that's probably not going to work for me either. I get what you are suggesting, though, to meet others through finding a common interest. It just sounds like that's easier said than done.

As for the online dating, my subscription ends tomorrow and no real "keepers", so to speak, so I don't think I'm going to continue with this. I know some have luck meeting someone, but I would actually prefer meeting someone in person. I'd like to believe that he is out there somewhere- just haven't met him yet.

Thanks for your responses and for the advice and feedback. I'm very grateful for the support!

3:31 PM  
Blogger mdmpls said...

Hey Andrea -

I know it is very difficult to put yourself out there, but honestly, three days on match.com is not anywhere near enough time. I have a co-worker who met and married his wife using online dating and it took him almost 1 year before he found her. Unfortunately it is something you have to keep at. And you will ALWAYS meet some freaks along the way, but you might also meet some very nice people. I have been on match since July and have a pretty fun time so far. Give it a bit more time if you can afford it!

Good luck!
Maridee

8:05 PM  
Blogger mytime79 said...

Do they have any sports/social clubs up in CT? In Baltimore, we have this sports/social club where, if you want, you could meet a lot of people. You don't need to be very good at the various sports either.

I did match awhile ago, wasn't very successful, BUT that's because I wasn't very active on it. I wish I could give you more suggestions, but I tend to be the one that is always single :(

12:31 PM  
Blogger Lyrehca said...

Hi Andrea--did you ever continue past three days with Match.com?

I am a total veteran of online dating, and while I'm happily married now, my 20s were filled with blind dates, online dates, set-ups, you name it. I actually had several long term boyfriends throughout my 20s and early 30s, (I'm 35 now), but in between them, I was all about getting out there and online dating was one way to do it. While I met many many people through Match and other sources, and while none of them seemed like kooks, I eventually met the Mister through a friend who met him at a party and called me up the next day.

Good luck with it--Mr. Andrea is out there.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Lyrehca,

No, I opted not to continue with Match. I thought if I got some responses or saw anyone with "potential", I'd continues. But, unfortunately, my 3 day experience basically fell flat :( , what else is new? :( (boo hoo).

I actually did step out on a limb and emailed someone, but I didn't get a response...so either he wasn't interested or maybe he met someone. who knows...?

Anyway, I keep hoping I'll meet Mr.Right, but let's put it this way, I'm not holding my breath.

4:21 PM  

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