This is my 2nd post today. No, I wouldn't normally post twice in one day, but I am so agitated right now, I need to get this out.

I am so sick of people right now. Maybe I'm anti-social, maybe I'm psycho, or maybe I'm just plain crazy, but I'm getting to the point where I want to find a cave, stay there, and not come out. I can understand how agoraphobics feel. Ok, literally, agoraphobic means fear of crowds. I don't think that's quite me, but I guess I can understand the appeal of that to a certain point. Sometimes I can relate to not wanting to leave the comfort and safety of home and face people. Let's face it, a lot of people just plain suck.

I guess what brought this on was my co-workers. In particular, my co-worker, W. Now, I really liked her a lot in the past, but now... I'm having major doubts. I just have an instinct that I cannot trust her- and they always say to trust your instincts.

I've kind of knew this in the past and have distanced myself from her lately. But today, being the fool I am, I went today with her at lunch time to pick up lunch for herself, me, and a couple of our co-workers. I should've said No, but W.'s the type of person who can manipulate others really easily to doing whatever she wants. It's almost a talent- and, boy, does she have it. She's managed, in the past, to get me to do a lot of favors for her, including: driving her to where she needs to go, running errands, and even buying lunch for her on occasion.

Well, today, we get to the restaurant and sees the money I have put for my lunch in her cup holder. She tells me, no, I have to go in and pay for myself- which is fine. I don't expect or even want her to pay for me. But I come to find out that she has paid for a couple of other people's lunches here. I guess it shouldn't really bother me, but it does...Especially b/c I think she was trying to hide it from me.

Whenever, W., makes a big production over something, you know some things up. I heard her from across the room saying how she owes someone change and that she was leaving that person money on her desk. Not too long after, I passed her taking the money back. Obviously, she can treat whoever she wants to lunch, but it annoys me that she is so sneaky about it. It's not necessary, it really isn't.

A lot of my co-workers have to roll their eyes when she comes up in conversation or something pertains to her. I didn't understand it at first, but I am understanding it more and more recently. She knows who to take advantage of and manipulate. To her, I think I look like a big Patsy to her. Do I have "doormat" tattooed across my forehead- b/c I have a feeling I do.

I know it has to do with me. I need to assert myself a little more. I don't always have to say yes to her, and, yet, I always do. So it is, at least, partially my own fault. I am well aware of that. But, unfortunately, I have this disease to please.

I think I let people take advantage, b/c I want to be liked. And the truth of the matter is that it's just not worth it. People seem to respect others more when they have a mind of their own and can say NO. I know that I'm going to have to stop being so chicken and do that, esp. regarding W.

The other matter is some of my other co-workers. Everyone seems like they are up everyone else's butt. There is no such thing as keeping something confidential between people here- if one person knows something, pretty much everyone else here does too. I kind of knew that this would be the case when I took this job. I mean, it is primarily women here and women like to talk and gossip. I'm not trying to stereotype, but I've seen this repeatedly in my past experience. Hey, I'm a woman, and I admit there's nothing like some good, juicy dirt. However, I think there's a line. When it gets to the point where it gets like high school, I think it's crossing the line. And that's really what it feels like here. There's constant whispering and gossiping and it gets to you.

I know it happens in a lot of work environments, but I am so tired of it. And it's really not just that. The women I work with are so petty. Instead of just worrying about themselves, they have to worry about the other people here. Like whether someone gets their work done, whether someone's on time, etc., etc., etc.

First of all, it's really not anyone else's place, besides my managers, to be so concerned about another's person's job. But being that I'm here, I know that there are some who would disagree with me.

Another one of my co-workers here, S., I should call the time keeper b/c she is way too aware of other peoples time. When people started coming back from lunches late, she complained to the manager- so now our lunches are posted on the bathroom door (how stupid). Today she complained to me that two other women left for lunch too early and how it's unfair, b/c we have to go back on taking calls before our lunch is up. That seems to be her common phrase, how everything is SO unfair to her. The time was 1:29- they left a minute early. I don't know, but I think that's kind of petty. And there's a lot of that that goes on here.

So I'm kind of fed up, but I think this will be the motivation I need to work on my resume and get out of here. I've procrastinated on it long enough and maybe this is what I need to push me.