I'm curious, how much do time do those of you, with Diabetes, spend thinking about the disease? I'm wondering if I'm an oddball... Ok, lol, I am, but I'm talking in terms of my Diabetes and time spent on it and thinking about it.

I read a LOT of Diabetes related things on line, mostly message boards and blogs. Anyway, from what I've read on different message boards, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of fellow Diabetics don't spend very much time focusing on their disease. From what I read, many hardly think about it at all-it only crosses their mind if there's some kind of problem with their blood sugar or if they don't have any choice but to consider it, such as when taking their insulin or testing their blood sugar.

I, on the other hand, spend a great deal of time thinking, worrying, and obsessing about it. In fact, even when I'm not thinking about it directly, it's always at the back of my mind. My thoughts never really escape being Diabetes-related. There are so many questions that constantly run through my mind...usually little self-checks. Did I eat okay today? Did I bolus enough? Am I high? Am I low? It basically goes on and on AND on. I can't help, but wonder if it's bordering on OCD.

I know I obsess about it and, as I mentioned in my last post, it really is my main focus...and, dare I say, interest in life. However, I feel that it plays such a big role in my life, that it's part of who I am as a person. I don't want to pretend or deny that. But, I do wonder if that's healthy and if it's helping me or hurting me. Let's face it, to spend so much time stressing about it- I don't think that can be good. The stress I put on myself in dealing with this disease is probably making it even harder to manage. After all, don't they say that stress can make a big impact on blood sugar levels.

I think what's at the heart of this matter is fear. I think I am afraid that by not focusing or centering on this disease, that I will spiral out of control...and that's very scary to me. Maybe it's irrational, but I guess that's typical of a lot of fears. They really don't have to be logical, make snse, or be rational.

Basically, that's where things stand now. As much as I know I need to and should, I am reluctant to find other interests. But, I think I really need to push myself to do so. My Mom even offered to pay for the cost of me participating in a class I want to take or activity. It's a very kind offer, but I don't think I can accept- she's helped me out many times in the past- it's not fair. I guess if I see anything that jumps out at me, I'll go for it and take care of the cost myself.

In a way, maybe it'll be the thing I need to get me out of my rut. Although California still appeals to me, I don't think it's do-able right now. And I guess I won't have to chop off my hair, after all- which is probably a good thing, don't think I'll look too pretty with a crew cut.