Thursday, August 03, 2006

Don't you hate when you write this whole blog entry and you hit a button accidentally and it disappears- argh, how frustrating! :o( Of course that happened to me two nights ago... I was almost tempted to stay up pretty late and retype it, but the more sensible side of me kicked in and told me to save it for another night. So here I am... trying to recall what I posted and redo that entry. Without a doubt, it's a pretty random post- but then that could be said of all my posts, I guess...

My birthday was actually yesterday... it turned out to be a pretty chill day, despite being the hottest day of the year. Seems like these birthdays just come around faster and faster as you get older... which isn't exactly a good thing. In some ways, I must admit, that I get a little depressed around my birthday. But, saying that, I actually dealt with this one relatively well... though I hate to think that I'm not 28 anymore. I'd be perfectly content if at age 28, my age didn't budge. It's too bad that that's not the way it works. :(

I ended up having to work all day and our A/C at work pretty much stinks... Sometimes you walk in and you freeze you ass off and then later on in the day (when it really gets hot), it turns off and it becomes stifling hot. It reached 86 degrees INSIDE... I don't know how, but we all survived.

Then after work, my sister came up to visit for a little bit, which was nice. I only spent about 30 minutes or so with her at the mall... which was very short and sweet, but it was nice to be able to see someone from my family for my birthday.

I then proceeded to the gym for a shortened workout, rushed home to rinse off and change, and then met up with my friend, K., for dinner. We went to this place in my city that's very chill. Yesterday, however, it was bustling with activity...which is unusual for a Wednesday night. But it's a pretty popular place- it's reasonable, casual, and the food is pretty good. The only downer, is that it's a bit noisy in there, so we had to almost shout across the table to each other. We managed...despite the noise and ended up having a good dinner.

K. drove me home, we hung out for a bit, and then she left. At this point, it was relatively late, and I was tired, but I just got a new computer :) so I wanted to get online and surf around a bit... I have to say, I'm loving my new 'puter :)

All in all it was a good day, and I'm hoping to celebrate a bit more over the weekend, so my b-day celebration hasn't fully concluded yet. I know the family is planning on taking me out for dinner or lunch at some point. Hopefully, things will go smoothly, but knowing my family, it gets a bit chaotic when we all get together.... Ahh, family. :s.


Next order of business... Diabetes

It seems like I have been having the same problems concerning my Diabetes for too long, and, truthfully, my patience is wearing thin.. Ok, it's already at that point... but I think it's pretty understandable.

The problems I've had with my evening/after dinner/nighttime readings have been ongoing for at least a year now. I think I've just about tried everything. I've done the basal tests- in fact, I've done basal ,after basal test, after basal test- ok you get the picture. And to go through all the annoyance, inconvenience, and aggravation AND not get anywhere just frustrates the HELL out of me. From there, I've tried temp basal rates, I've tried CGMS, I've tried DexCom, and I've tried Symlin... All without consistent results. I'm not sure what to do at this point. It's beyond sucky!

The only thing that I think might make a difference is changing Endo practices... Although I like my Endo, Dr. P, I just don't think that I'm getting the treatment and advice I need. And my Diabetes is too important to let things slip.

I'm considering switching to B., the CDE/nurse practitioner/dietician, who helped set me up with CGMS and DexCom (being that my practice doesn't use those things). I found she was very easy to talk to and it seems like she does know what she is talking about~ plus, she's been diabetic for over 40 years! Well, my CDE, where I currently go, has been diabetic for a while too... which I think is a positive thing. I think it's nice to get advice from professionals who really can relate to you.

I'm not definitely sure about this switch, but I think it's worth consideration. But, there are drawbacks, of course... For one, it's a small practice, which could mean problems with availability and getting touch with B. and Dr. R (who's the Endo in the practice). Speaking of Dr. R, I've only met him briefly, which also could be another drawback. I don't know that much about him, which makes me a little bit uneasy, but my first impression is that he seems nice enough. Also, having to go through the process of getting to know them (& them me) is a bit of a pain. Lastly, and, probably, most important, there's no guarantee that they can help or improve things. But saying that, I'll never know unless I try.

Funny thing is, I just got a call today reminding me of an appointment with my current Endo., Dr. P, next Thursday. I completely forgot, but I think that this appointment is an important one. My plan is to tell him exactly how I feel and to even mention that I'm considering switching practices. I feel that I owe it to him, and myself, to be completely honest. How can he know how I feel and address these things if I don't tell him the truth. I'm curious to hear his reaction... guess we'll see.


Finally, last thing on the agenda...

For those of you who have been reading my blog, you are probably aware of the fact that I have some issues (hey, who doesn't? ). So I've been considering doing something about it lately and I wanted to share that with you all. Among the things I'm considering are: joining a Diabetes Support group, seeing a therapist, or possibly starting on medication.

I think, ultimately, the thing that would help me most would be a support group. Over the last 4 years(when I was first dx'ed), I've been doing pretty much all my venting to my Mom about this disease. I guess I didn't really realize it, but it is taking a toll on her. It's putting unnecessary stress on her & it's just not fair. Plus, every time it comes up in conversation, it turns into a nasty argument... usually b/c I feel that she is not listening, she doesn't understand, or she isn't making an effort to learn anything about what I deal with on a daily basis. The later on, I kick myself for being such a witch to her. Ultimately, she has very little control over my blood sugar. It's surely not her fault I have this disease, but, I think, sometimes I act like it is.

So I think finding a group where I can share what's on my mind would really be helpful to me. I'd know that others there would understand and it could possibly help me learn more about my illness, etc.

Time for the downside... the only support group around here doesn't meet on a regular basis, and that's a big problem. It meets something like the 3rd Wednesday of the month. Ok, that doesn't seem too difficult BUT then there's months at a time where it doesn't meet at all. Seeing that I'm not the most together person, I doubt that these meetings would be easy for me to attend. Plus, I feel like I would need more meetings than what they offer for me to get something out of them. Too bad :(...

Therapy might be ok. I actually do believe that therapy could benefit most people in some way. Having someone who's neutral to listen and provide feedback could really help me, I think. Sometimes I feel I could use constructive criticism, as hard as it is to take and as bad as I am dealing with it, to wake me up and get my attention. Having it come from someone who's not personally connected to me, I think, would make it easier for me to take & possibly could open my eyes to see things in a different way.

Drawback- $$$. Just don't have a lot to spend on it at this time... And as we all know, therapy could be very costly... so, again, this poses a problem.

My last consideration, as I have mentioned above, is medication. I tend to be a very anxious person. And I know a lot of it is unnecessary stress and anxiety I put on myself. It's easy for someone to say, "well, just calm down and stop stressing", but really it's not that easy.

When you have been this way for the majority of your life, it's not easy to just change. Lets face it, people just don't change that easily. I know medication is not an easy fix, but if there's some kind of medication out there that could help me relax a bit, then why not try it?

But, yet again, I just don't have the $$$... which is unfortunate. Also... I have been on medication before (and a lot of them) without much success, so this also makes me a little resistant to going down that road again. But I'm thinking that there could be new things available, since it's been some time, or other options I haven't explored.

If I had the money, I probably would go ahead with therapy and meds, but I know it's not possible right now. It really is too bad, b/c now that I'm more open to these things, I'm limited financially from trying things that could possibly help me and, even, change my life for the better. Oh well..

That sums most everything up... I know this post is probably long (and boring) , but I wanted to update and fill you all in on what's been going on. Hope you will feel free to jump in with comments/advice/etc. You know how much I enjoy and appreciate your feedback.


Oh, you know what? I can end this on a positive note afterall. Tomorrow, I'm going to a Counting Crows/ Goo Goo Dolls concert. I'm so excited! The CC are always awesome, so I know I won't be disappointed.

Seeing that it's 1:45 am, I am going to go hit the hay... g' night, y'all :)


Blogger Kerri. said...

Happy (albeit, belated) birthday to you, my friend.

And as far as taking steps to control your stress and anxiety, I think that joining a support group is a fantastic idea. It seems as though you find the blog writing to be very therapeutic. Talking to people, even if it's just your peers, may help you out, too. And if you decide to try the medication route, I encourage you to do whatever makes you feel better. Keeping your medical team informed as to your wishes is crucial. Maybe they can help you find a way to curb the costs of medication/therapy to make it easier for you to try out those options, if you chose to.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. And for crying out loud, enjoy the Counting Crows concert! They are fantastic!!

7:24 AM  
Anonymous David Edelman said...


I'll ditto everything you and Kerri have said. Whenever I feel down or torn apart, it's nice to have someone outside my normal loop to talk to. It feels safer. At the same time, my mom always makes me feel 1000x better for some reason... maybe because she's mom?

My 9th grade guitar teacer did not like Counting Crows (more of a Metal guy) and gave me a CD one of his other students left behind and never picked up. I loved that CD. Enjoy the show!

8:20 AM  
Blogger Kelsey said...

I hope you had fun at the concert! I saw the Counting Crows about 5 years ago, they are awesome!

Do you know if your work provides some kind of counseling services? I know many businesses have programs to assist with the cost of therapy. That might help.

I'm a big believer in counseling. I only went for about 4 months my senior year of college, but things I learned then continue to crop up in my life. I can remember my counselor's advice and it really helps.

It sounds like you need to do something. I know money is a factor, but ultimately your happiness is worth any cost. Good luck!

11:16 AM  
Blogger julia said...

Many counseling services will do a sliding scale, especially if they're funded by someone like the United Way. You can check into those. You can also get a referral from your PCP - your insurance should cover some mental health sessions. The usual is 25 a year. You'll have to do the co-pay, though.

I love Counting Crows - have fun at the show! Can't wait to hear how it was.

4:04 PM  
Blogger mdmpls said...

Happy Belated Birthday Andrea.

Not sure if this is something that might be of use, but there is a great book called "Diabetes Burnout" that I found very helpful when I was feeling overwhelmed by the disease and all the things we have to do everyday. If therapy is too costly, this might be a cheaper short-term solution. The book is written by William Polonsky. Something to maybe look into!

Hope the concert was fun!

8:04 PM  
Blogger NYMOM said...

Happy Birthday.

How did your cruise go? Hope it was fun!!!!

The diabetic group sounds like the best to me...try to get it with people in your age range...there must be more then one around...

Or better yet, form one of your own...

Good luck with everything.

8:07 PM  
Blogger aaron said...

Greetings. Yoga/Meditation have helped me tremendously, both physically as well as emotionally. Meditation isn't about calming down or slowing your breathing (though that often happens), it's about watching your thoughts rather than just being completely caught up in them. A key tool of the therapist is distance (and therefore perspective). Meditation can help give you that distance on yourself. Email me if you want more info... I've been type 1 for 22 years (dx'd age 7) so I've got some experience.

8:16 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes- it means a lot :)

Kerri~ I agree, I think a support group would really be my best option. There's got to be one out there somewhere that has a more consistent schedule. I just haven't come across it yet... guess I'll keep looking.

David~ yeah, my Mom is always there for me... even if she doesn't always understand the issues I have with this disease completely. I am very lucky to have her there for me & I always feel better after talking to her too.

Kelsey, unfortunately, my work doesn't offer any counseling services... and if they did, I'd be sort of hesitant to use their services. Things have a way of getting around at work- even things that are supposedly confidential.

I would prefer to find a support group, but I haven't ruled counseling out. I defintely think both things could be helpful to me... I'm hoping I'll work something out.

Julia- Right, I know that it will mostly come down to co-payments, but even paying those on a weekly basis (even bi-weekly) basis is kind of tough at the moment. Though, like Kelsey said, sometimes these things are worth it- maybe I'll be able to arrange something.

Maridee- I have that book and I think it's a good suggestion. I really do think it's very well written. I may have to delve into it again and refresh my memory. Thanks for the suggestion :)

NYmom- My cruise is next Monday- I can't wait. I can't tell you how badly I NEED this vacation. Just to be away from everything really could be the best medicine for me...

I agree on the support group- I'm really hoping I find one soon. Sadly, if we count on me to start one, it probably will never happen. I don't know, maybe I'll ask my Endo's office if they know of any support groups in the area... might be a good place to start.

thanks for the response ;)

Hi Aaron,

It's funny you mentioned yoga... I actually started attending a yoga class a couple of months ago (though I haven't been there lately) and did enjoy the classed. I really did feel more relaxed and at ease after each class... I am hoping to go back soon :)

Thanks again so much for everyones' thoughts, comments, ideas, and advice! I really do appreciate it :)

10:17 PM  
Blogger Lyrehca said...

Hey there--Just saw this post and perhaps it's already too late. But if you're looking for a therapist who deals specifically with diabetes, I know someone. She's based in NYC, and I see you're in Connecticut. I don't know if you're close to the NY border (it's maybe a 40 minute train ride from Stanford, CT to NYC), but perhaps she'll do over the phone counseling or have suggestions of people to see in CT. I don't see an email here for you, but email me at Lyrehca AT gmail DOT com and I'll send her contact info your way. Enjoy your cruise!

11:44 AM  

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