I wanted to share my sister's response to the email I sent her last night regarding my surgery. No, I was not surprised at all by her reaction, she reacted EXACTLY how I expected. BUT it is still hurtful and it bothers me immensely to read her response. Saying that, I thought I would post it anyway... maybe others can provide me with feedback or give me advice or criticism on whether I am handling this right, b/c I'm not sure I am. I'm trying, though, and doing my best not to let her negativity bring me down.

Before I get to what she emailed, I just want to note that what she wrote may sound mean...ok, it is pretty mean. But, truth be told, she really isn't a mean person at all. Despite how her reaction comes across, I feel, this is really coming from a good place. I think, in a way, this is her trying to protect me, I just think she goes about it in the wrong way. I do love my sister no matter what, but she can really be opinionated and manipulative when she wants to be and you'll see that in her response. But before I paste her response to my news, I will share what I wrote to both of my sisters...

Well, I have some news to share with you... and I'm afraid that you might not like it. In fact, I know that you won't like it and that it'll probably upset you, which is a big part of the reason why I haven't told you this earlier. Truthfully, I have been a little worried about your reaction... But, saying that, I know that I need to tell you this, so here goes...

I have decided to go ahead with the rhinoplasty surgery next Thursday. I know that neither of you are in favor of me moving forward with this, especially K, but this is my decision and I have to do what I feel is right for me. I feel like this could give me a big boost in self-esteem and confidence and that it can make a big difference for me.

I know how both of you feel about this. I know that K especially is adamant about me NOT doing this, but I can't live my life based on what she thinks is right or wrong. I have to make this decision for myself. It's my body and my life. And it's also my choice to make.

K, I know you will argue that it's not going to help me- that I really need therapy to work out my issues. And maybe that's true, but I don't see anything wrong with also doing this. I wouldn't do this, if I didn't think it was going to help. I strongly believe that it will. And, no, I'm not doing this b/c I'm shallow. I think that's definitely one thing I am not. I'm not shallow, but I do think feeling good about yourself is important. And self-image is a big part of that. Obviously, mine could use improvement.

I did break the news to both Mom and Dad. They don't agree with my choice, but they are still being supportive, despite their feelings about me doing this.

I hope I can also count on both of you for support. There's no doubt in my mind that it would make everything so much easier to know that you are behind me. I certainly hope for that, but even without your support, this is something I am doing. It's something you will have to accept and I feel being angry, upset, or aggravated by this is pointless. It won't change my decision and it just a waste of energy.

If I come away from this experience feeling better and more confident about myself, won't you be happy for me? Won't it be worth it then? Or will you still be negative and angry about it? I'm hoping for the former and not the latter. So please keep that in mind and try to understand my reasons for doing this and please be supportive.

And here's her oh-so-kind reply:

You are a fucking fool and i will not talk to you again, and u can take my word for it. and u can forget about any plans for concerts or anything else. I am so against this, u have no idea. I am just so disappointed and disguisted that you would be confused and stupid enough to even seriously consider this. when u hadn't mentioned it in awhile i thought it was because you came to your senses. when i was at the concert with u and was sitting close to u, i was thinking to myself how beautiful you looked, and i remember this whole thing and was so glad that i thought u dropped it. If u go ahead with this, it will ruin our relationship cause i can't be close to someone so shallow who believes that this will change their self image. i'd be so embarassed by u and so ashamed that you would even think that your nose is going to change ur self esteem. r u really that dumb? you want to change the beautiful face god gave u. i would switch faces with you in a minute. U need a lot of help. i dont want to talk to you or hear from you, and i definitely am not going to go on the cruise if you do this. i dont care about losing the money. i'm glad you have the money to waste on this, and besides that, u are ruining yourself. they say everyone's their own worst enemy, and you certaintly prove that point. While you are in surgery, you might as well see if they can give you a brain transplant, or wait, maybe they should do that first, and give u a working brain with some sense.

Honestly, it does bother me to read her response. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does. I mean, she is my sister and, as much as I sometimes am reluctant to say it, I do value her opinion and want her to be supportive of me. What probably hurts me the most is that she would let something like this ruin our relationship...but that's of her own choosing. I am not choosing that at all- I want us still to be as close as we are (or were). It's up to her if she wants to keep that or let this drive a wedge between us. All I know is that I have always been supportive of her and it saddens me that she cannot back me the same way.

I did respond to her email. Actually, i should say emails. Yes, she sent 3, and all of them just as angry and nasty, unfortunately. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did feel Ithe need to express my disappointment to what she wrote. Admittedly, I was hurt and angry by her response, so this one is a little more heated, but I think I still kept my composure (for the most part).

Well, I guess I should have expected this reaction from you- you are completely immature and overreacting as usual. I don't see how it should affect YOU. It's my life and my body- NOT YOURS. I'm not doing this for you I'm doing it for me. And if you think you can manipulate me with these threats to break off all contact with me- then I'm sorry, but you are not going to be successful. Just because you don't agree with something, that should mean that I can't do it. NO! That's complete bullshit.

If you wanted to do something like this, even if I was completely against it, I would still support you. But I guess that's the difference between me and you. You have a lot of growing up to do. Insulting me and name calling are just key examples of how immature and childish you are being-how can you be going in to psychology, when the way you are acting is showing that you need help yourself!

Everyone I have talked to about it has been encouraging - they don't see anything wrong with it, and when I tell them how you react, they think you are being completely manipulative and idiotic. But again, no surprise there!

Everyone else has chosen to support me, EXCEPT YOU. That should tell you something. And if you don't want to go to the concerts or cruise, that's your decision, but then it's your job to find a replacement, not mine.

But this is happening...and if you choose to be angry about that's your choice, and if you choose to not talk to me anymore, again, that's your choice, but it's pointless, IMMATURE, and stupid. That would be really sad if you let something as insignificant as this come between us, but that's up to you. It's truly pointless, b/c it's NOT going to change ANYTHING.

And that's where things stand at this point. My older sister hasn't responded yet to my announcement. However, I'm not nearly as worried about how she will respond as with K. K has a fiery temper and isn't shy about letting her feelings be known in our family, as her email shows.

I don't know what to do at this point. I wish I could say or do something that would make her understand, but I know there's really not much I can do to change her mind. Once she has an opinion, it's like set in stone, and nothing can change it. I'm just hoping that once it's over and done with, she'll come around. Like I have said, I don't see the point in staying angry after the fact. At that point, there will be nothing she can do about it, she'll have to come to terms, like it or not.

Again, I welcome any and ALL feedback... I would really love to know if anyone has any other ideas of what I could do or say to her. I could use all the help I could get!