Friday, March 16, 2007

It's a winter storm here today in my neck of the woods~ It's been snowing, sleeting, and, I think, we are on freezing rain now... Lovely, isn't it? As you can tell by my sarcasm, I'm SO not a fan of this mixed precipitation, but seeing that we've been pretty much spared this winter- I probably shouldn't complain.

Anyway, due to the weather, I didn't make it into work. I felt somewhat guilty about not even attempting to go in, but I knew that things were going to progressively get worse as the day went along. Also, my boss isn't always the most agreeable and I didn't know if he would understand if I had to leave early b/c of it. I decided not to even chance it.

But now I'm having second thoughts... I don't know, maybe I should have went in for a few hours. It certainly would have been good to have gotten some work done...that goes without a doubt. Now, Monday I am going to be beyond overwhelmed with stuff, not to mention having to deal with my boss too. Of course, now it's too late, so I guess I'll have to just deal... though I'm kind of stressed already thinking about it. (not that it takes too much to stress me out as we already know ;-o)

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Speaking of stress and anxiety, among other things, I'm not sure I mentioned that I started on a new psych drug. I'm taking Lexapro. I started about 10 days ago on the lowest dose. Honestly, I'm not sure that it's making a huge difference, but I do feel like I'm a little it more at ease than usual. So I guess that's something.

Truthfully, dealing with my anxiety and depression has really hindered me tin he past and still does in many ways. To me, It almost feels all encompassing, if that makes sense. My mind would get so stuck on one thing, a negative situation or experience, that I would have a hell of a time getting past it. It doesn't help that I am hypersensitive.

J actually used this word in therapy when I described to her how I react to different things in life. And I feel that it's so fitting, that I think I would choose it to sum me up if limited to one word.

This, in my opinion, is not a good thing. Let's face it, living in today's world can be difficult. There are plenty of chances to be knocked down by different circumstances, things, and people. Oh, yeah, people can be horrible- mean and vicious for no reason. And some don't care whatsoever if they kick you when you are already down. So being hypersensitive really doesn't lend itself well to trying to live life and encounter different situations and people. It just challenges me more than I think I would ever need.

Then you add Diabetes to the mix-and if I wasn't already a chaotic mess, then I SURE as hell am now!

So how do I deal with this all? Frankly, I'm not sure. Yes, I'm seeing a therapist and taking medication prescribed by my psychiatrist, but I still feel uncertain about things. Plus, I can't shake the hopelessness I feel about things ever getting better. I'm not real confident about that at all.

I'm doing the best I can, trying to manage and do what I can to get by, but I'm still not sure that's good enough and that worries me.

7 Comments:

Blogger Chrissie in Belgium said...

well Andrea I am rooting for you!!!!

5:19 AM  
Blogger Drea said...

From one Andrea to another!

The storm you had is hitting me today in Nova Scotia! What a mess!!! And I thought spring was here :)

I hope things look up for you! Take care....

6:50 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

When did you start taking the medication? It takes weeks for antidepressants to kick in and really take effect, so hang in there.

Plus, if by then you don't feel they're being effective, have your Dr. prescribe different ones to try. It might take a few attempts to find what's right for you....at the correct doses too.

2:28 PM  
Blogger Minnesota Nice said...

I agree with Shannon. I tried probably 6-8 different ones before I found one that worked. The balance of brain chemicals is sooooo precise that you often don't hit a strike on the first try. Be as honest as you can with your psychiatrist - I know it's not always easy. And, if you can't, then go see someone else!

8:58 PM  
Blogger BetterCell said...

Hi Andrea........For your stay at home/cold wintry blues, I would recommend you make a great Hot Chocolate for yourself. If you need a recipe that works, just Email me and I will send one to you.
As far as Lousy People are concerned, yes they exist. It is how you deal with them that matters. That is something that is learned through experience or/and can be taught to you by your Therapist.
Spring is on its way and with it, the End of your Conflicts.
Feel Better........

12:22 PM  
Blogger cass said...

keep plugging along! it'll happen!

and if you want to exchange complaints and annoyances regarding bosses and work, i am here! complaining and chiming in on other's complaints related to work is my side job. ^0^

8:29 PM  
Blogger julia said...

It can take weeks and weeks and weeks for anti-depressants to start working. Ten days is not enough time to notice anything. I've heard really good things about Lexapro, but if it isn't the right drug for you, don't give up. Just keep working with your doctor to find one that does work.

I know for me, once the medications start working, it makes therapy much easier. It's like the drugs kind of lift that chaos a bit and let you really start dealing with issues.

Good luck. It's a long, hard slog, dealing with depression.

9:48 PM  

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