Friday, February 02, 2007

As you can see, I decided to change the template to my blog as well as the title. I just thought it was time... Naming my blog, "My Blog", ok, wasn't the most original title... a 2nd grader could probably do better, but I guess at the time when I started it, it was all that came to mind.

Complete Chaos seems to be a lot more fitting, in my opinion- it kind of sums up how my life has been... and how I feel most days. I know, I know, wah, wah, poor baby, but I'd be lying if I said that this is not how I feel.

Anyway, I hope that you will all continue to come and visit and post~ and I'll try to get the links up again as soon as possible. (I didn't realize that changing the template would delete them all! :( )..

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Life, lately, for me has been pretty rough... I think it's fair to say that that seems to be the general trend for me as a whole. But, unfortunately, it just seems even harder lately. I wish I could say why that is. All I know, is that my state of mind right now is in a fragile place at the moment.

Admittedly, I've been a real bear to deal with. My moods have ranged from: being a teary-eyed, complete emotional mess, to being nasty and mean for no reason, to being easily distracted and unfocused, to being depressed/anxious. And then there's still times when I'm being completely silly, and, almost, giddy. It would be fair to say that my moods have pretty much covered all the bases.

But what I think bothers me most is dealing with my depression/anxiety~ which is my typical mood it seems. And it's, unfortunately, making things extremely difficult at the moment.

Sometimes I feel like I could get to the point where I don't want to get out of bed... or don't want to venture into or face the world... which are pretty scary feelings for me. It frightens me, b/c I know it's a very real possibility and I don't think it would take that much to push me over that line. It's not somethingI want to happen, but, at the same time, I'm not sure there's any way to truly prevent it or stop it either.

I know that some of you are going to think or maybe suggest I seek therapy again... But, I want to let you all know, that I am currently meeting with someone.

I've met with J. for maybe a month now and, so far, she's been pretty nice and easy to talk to. But, to be perfectly honest, I am just not sure it's really helping. Yes, it takes time and I know I need to be patient, but I am still skeptical (ever the skeptic) if therapy is really the answer for me. Maybe I need something a little more intense. What that is- I'm not exactly sure, but I'm willing to explore whatever options there are.

One thing that crossed my mine is medication. I've tried anti-depressants in the past w/o much success, but perhaps there are newer medications available that have the potential to help me. My philosophy, if you can call it that, is that I'm willing to do whatever it takes, if it has the possibility of helping me.

Let's face it, life is just too short. And why waste the time you have being miserable, anxious, or depressed? It's not worth it. Frankly, I feel that waking up and having so much anxiety everyday is just a horrible way to live life... That's what I've been doing thus far, sadly.

But it's about time things change. There's no reason that life should have to be this hard, and if it's me who's making it this hard, then I need to do something about that.

3 Comments:

Blogger julia said...

There are a lot of good, new anti-depressants out there. You also have to keep in mind that they can take several weeks (like 4 - 6) before you'll feel the effects. I would suggest speaking with a psychiatrist about medication. Your therapist can probably recommend one that will work with you to find the right medication and dosage.

Good luck. It's not easy to deal with depression.

10:22 AM  
Blogger BetterCell said...

Hi Andrea.....You might be "Bipolar" having symptoms of both depression and mania. If that is the case then you would need medication geared for people who are bipolar from a Psychiatrist rather than a therapist(J) who might not be familiar or/and experienced enough nor able to write a prescription for the medication needed.
Keep in mind as well, that just because a person does therapy, it does not mean that they are "good". The same applies to Physicians. Quality, compentence, experience exists in ALL things

12:45 PM  
Blogger Scott K. Johnson said...

Hi Andrea - I like the new name and new template!

I need both therapy and meds to keep my world relatively balanced. They serve two different purposes.

Like Julia said, they can take time to work. And there are so many different meds out there, that the first one you try may not be the right one for you.

It can be a relatively long and sometimes frustrating process - but the psychiatrist can help you with that.

1:22 PM  

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