Thursday, December 29, 2005

So let's see...my guy situation, well, I don't even know if I can call it that. However, I will let you all be the judge of it all. I'll take whatever insight you can provide, b/c I really don't know what to think about where things stand. God knows, I could use the help!

Ok, so a couple weeks ago I met this guy my co-worker, S., started IMing and communicating with. For some reason, she didn't think that he was her type...too shy and introverted for her, so she gave me his IM name and we started talking online. At first, I didn't think he was my type either. I think he was trying to impress me or something by putting on this whole tough guy attitude, but actually that turned me off. Plus, there were little things about him that bothered me (and still do a little) such as he can't spell(even simple words), he's about 40 minutes away (which I guess isn't that big a deal), and lastly, he's young- he's only 25. (and you know what they say about guys, they mature a LOT slower, and I have to say that I'm in full agreement with that from past experience).

Anyways, we continued to talk off and on for a month or so, and, finally, I agreed to meet him. So we met one Friday night, at the mall. It actually went better than I had expected. He was a lot different than I had thought he'd be, but in a good way. He seemed like a nice guy. Then after the meeting, things got weird. When I was online, he didn't make an effort to IM me right away, like he did initially. Sometimes he wouldn't even IM me at all. As much as I told myself I wouldn't do it, I took it personally. Maybe there's something wrong with me? Maybe he's a player? Maybe I'm not his type? I know that he's entitled to his opinion, but I always start thinking the worst. We did chat a few times after that, but it seemed like he wasn't that into me. That's fine, it that was the case, but I wasn't and I'm still not sure.

I just felt like something was up. My friend, S., from work had still been in touch with him during this all, so I finally got some answers from her. I told her that I thought there was something I wasn't being told...she broke down and told me that there's another girl in the picture. I probably should have guessed that.

Where do things stand now? I don't know. I'm sort of confused and a little disappointed. I almost feel like he's keeping me on the back burner, for if this other chick doesn't work out. And I'll tell you why I think this. After S. told me that he has been speaking with another girl, I decided I was going to ask him about it. I actually don't care if he is interested in someone else, but I rather know than make my own conclusions. Anyway, apparently he thought this girl was interested in him and now he isn't that sure. Needless, to say he's been a little more attentive to me. I'm not sure how I feel about that- what's going to happen when another girl shows a little interest? Then, I guess he'll forget about me. I don't think that jives well with me.

I might be sending mixed signals though too. Maybe he doesn't know what I think about him. For example, yesterday, he asked me why I never IM him first, which took me totally off guard. I guess, I don't because I didn't think he was interested in me and I didn't want to be annoying. Instead, of just being honest with each other, we're being stupid. So I don't know where things are going to go from here or if there is even any possibility of anything.

To make matters even more difficult, there was that other guy I had been introduced to, through another friend at work, W. He seems like a nice, responsible, good person, but I still have mixed feelings about him too. There's just something about him that seems off. Now, I'm not always right, but I usually believe that you have to go with your gut instincts.

We had met and I invited him to my company's Christmas Party. I thought things went well, we even made plans to have dinner the following Saturday night. Well, I heard from him that Thursday before. He left a voice message for me saying that he wa confirming our "date" for the next night. Ok... I assumed that he meant Saturday, but when I called him that Friday, he had thought we were actually meeting that night. Of course, I already had plans and he already had plans for the following night.

He actually made plans to go into the city with someone. He was going to go see the city all decked out for the holidays and then go to some observation deck to get a good view of everything. To me, this sounded like a date- I mean, do you go with guys or work people up to an observation deck? I don't think so.

It shouldn't bother me, but it does. He's also allowed to see anyone he wants. We hardly know each other and we're hardly exclusive. Everyone's told met I'm being stupid...especially since I had also met the other guy during this all, as well. I'd by lying if I said it doesn't bother me anymore, but I do think that I think everyone's right. He can date whomever he wants.

Now, I'm somewhat confused... I didn't hear from him for about a week or so after that call, which happened to be the week before Christmas. I didn't know what to believe. I understand that it's an incredibly busy time of year, especially that week. I know I was doing a hell of a lot running around, but at the same time, it doesn't take much to pick up the phone and call me. He didn't though. A few people at work kept encouraging me to call him, but I didn't either. For some reason, I couldn't. Then Christmas Eve, my sister asks to borrow my cell for a minute. To my surprise, she announces that there are two missed calls and a voice mail from someone. It was him. I don't call him back immediately, I decide I am going to send him a holiday E-card. However, that back fires. My dad's computer isn't working. So Christmas Eve passes, I haven't called or sent him anything. I think I'm being very rude, but I'm not sure what I should do. My sister suggests sending him a text message...which is what I end up doing.

As of right now, I'm a little uncertain of things (what else is new?). I'm not even sure he got my message from Sunday, but I assume so. He calls me on Tuesday evening, but I don't answer the phone....not sure why, I think I wasn't in the mood for talking. However, I decide to call him back last night, but he doesn't answer either. So this morning , I check my email, and I received an email from him. I know you can't tell much about a person's tone, but in a way, he seems annoyed, at least that's the way it came across to me. Basically, he wrote that he was busy at work when I called (hmmm, he's never had a problem answering my calls before) and that he's tried calling me twice, but he'll try again tonight. So I guess we'll see what happens.

That basically sums everything up. I'm am encouraging any and all feedback from you all. I'd love to know what you all think of this all. As you can see, I'm confused (but I guess it doesn't take much, lol). So please post your comments-thanks so much, in advance :)

3 Comments:

Blogger julia said...

How old are you? I'm asking because I don't know that 25 is too young, but then, I'm married to a man who is 13 years younger than me. I'm probably not the best person to say, except that my husband is very responsible and reliable and all those other wonderful things, plus he's not a fuddy duddy.

Now. Dating two people at once can be kind of ooshy. I did it for a while, before I met my husband, and it always felt a bit slutty. Not that I was sleeping with them, it was just...I don't know, weird, I guess. I didn't really get too worried about them seeing other people, since I was, but from the get-go, everyone was open and honest that this was just dating, this wasn't a relationship. I think you have to look at it that way - it's JUST a date, no more, no less. And most of all, be honest. Tell this second guy - the phone message guy - that you were nervous about calling him. Tell the IM guy that you didn't want to annoy him, but that you'll make an effort to say hi to him next time you're both online. Being a bit spikey and nervous about talking to a guy can come across as stand-offish and uninterested. Most guys aren't adept at reading nerves and insecurities. They just think you're not interested and move on.

It's not always easy to be honest about the weirdness that is the dating scene, but in the end, you'll be able to weed out the assholes from the good guys. You'll feel better, too, knowing that you've told it like it is.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Erica said...

Whoa - what a boatload of mixed wires here!

Re IM guy and not IMing first: I think you should say exactly what you posted, "I didn't think he was interested in me and I didn't want to be annoying" However, with this guy, you don't deserve to be anyone else's fallback girl or second best. If he's keeping you waiting in the wings in case girl #2 doesn't work out, that is just crappy.

Re Guy #2: Hmmm did he try calling again? The email after you called makes me think he's being distant. Did you email him back? If he didn't call perhaps you could give him one last shot via email and then moooove on.

Ugh those first few dates/meetings can be so awkward, can't they?!

Here's to meeting some QUALITY guys in 2006! ;-)

12:27 PM  
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1:12 PM  

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