I'm so beat :(... All of a sudden it just hit me like a ton of bricks- and, wow, did it hit me. After reading how some of my fellow bloggers are getting over being sick, I hope I didn't contract some bug... That's the last thing I need.

This weekend is supposed to be nice, like 80 degrees, and it's a 3 day-er, so I don't want anything to ruin that. And being sick would. I'm hoping it's just me being a little sleep deprived- I think I could cope with that...but, anything else, well, I'm not going to even entertain that thought.

I don't have much excitement going on right now... just the same old. Whenever someone asks me that, that's my typical response. Ok, here's how a conversation will go, for example ;).

Co-worker/Friend/ landlady, etc: So, Andrea, how are you? What's up?

Me: Not too much... same old...

You get the picture?

Oh, you know what? I lied. There are a couple of new happenings that I could share, on second thought. :)

One is a little update on the cosmetic surgery thing. Looks like I will be moving forward with it. I know some have warned me that my issues go more than skin deep, but I feel that this is something I need to do...so I'm hoping that things will go well and that I'll continue to have all of your support.

I actually went today to meet with a surgeon near my parents. It was SO much better than the consultation (if you can even call it that) with the woman surgeon who is located in my old town. He took the time to talk to me, explained what was involved, the risks/complications, and answered my questions. Not to mention that he even quoted me a lesser price for the surgery.

Speaking of which, it's truly amazing what they can charge for these procedures. The procedures I'm considering, rhinoplasty(nose job) and mentoplasty (a chin implant for a weak chin) would take less than 2 hours and according to my first consult, with the woman surgeon, would cost me about 10K... WTF?! That's unbelievable. (hmmm, maybe I should consider medicine for a career-anyone else seeing $$$ )

This doctor quoted me about 7, which is still a lot, but I feel a lot more confident and secure with him and I feel like he would do a better job. I'd be willing to spend that much on someone who knows what he's doing. And, hey saves me about $3000 dollars, so that's really good.

I still have one more consultation, which is actually tomorrow, but I have a feeling I'm going to go ahead with the doctor I met with today. I know I can't expect a completely different life or that my problems will just vanish into thin air, but I am thinking that this could do a world of good for my self esteem and self-confidence. And, no matter what anyone says, how you feel about yourself really affects your whole world and the people you interact with on a daily basis.

The only thing I'm still worried about is my family. Having their support regarding this is so important to me, but I think that most of them are going to remain adamant against it til the very end, no matter what I say. But, even though it won't be easy to go through this w/o family backing me, I have to live my life for me. Or I think I will end up regretting it.

That basically sums up that situation. Admittedly, yeah, I'm nervous and a little worried about the outcome of this all, but I'm also feeling better now that I have had a real conversation with an experienced surgeon. Now, I just need to find out what the next move is... I'll keep you posted.

Oh, the other thing I wanted to mention...

Well, a couple of months ago, I had signed up for Match.com. But, to be honest, my heart really hasn't been in it. I barely go to the website and haven't really corresponded with anyone... that is, until recently. This guy, R., emailed me and we've been emailing each other back and forth a couple times from there. He seems really nice and like an all around good guy, but, of course, being me, I'm a little skeptical. I guess I've been disappointed too many times in the past.

I know, I know, not a good attitude. It's best to approach these things, or really all things, with a positive outlook, but seeing that I am the eternal pessimist, it's not such an easy thing. I tend to get my hopes up and then end up let down in the end. Maybe I set my expectations too high, or, in general, have too many expectations, but it's kind of hard not to set any. No matter what we experience, there's always expectations there... I don't' think there's really a way to avoid it. I guess I just want things to work out for me... Often I feel like things will always suck for me and, yeah, that is as pathetic as it sounds.

When I've met people before, or, was set up, for some reason I had such a hard time relaxing and being myself. And, unfortunately, I think that really isn't helping me in any way. I'm not sure if it's my shyness or, some may say, questionable social skills, but I hate that I get so tense in these situations. As much as I tell myself that I have nothing to lose and that if someone doesn't like me, that it's his loss, but that doesn't seem to matter. In the end, I think I just care too much and I take things way too seriously/ personally...which is a flaw I wish I didn't have.

I know I'm jumping ahead, I barely know this person. But let's say that I do go ahead and meet R. ... I want to feel comfortable- I want to be myself. It's frustrating, b/c I think I don't give people a chance to get to know me, there's way too many walls up (though I don't completely understand why). And nothing, it seems, can penetrate those walls.

But then I think, when I meet the right person, things will just fall into place and I won't have to work so hard at being myself. That person will make me feel at ease. Well, that's what I'm hoping... but I'm not too sure, as you can probably tell.

So, now I think what I need is feedback :) I would love some insight, advice, or personal stories of your own experiences. I welcome any and all comments... as always! :)

[One itty-bitty thing, though, please don't suggest counseling. Yes, I know I am a prime candidate for some good old talk therapy, and it is something I am considering, but I guess I'm looking for some other suggestions. ]

Wow, now I'm getting picky, huh? LOL. I'm even telling my dear readers what not to say in there comments. Please forgive me for that... I think I want to believe that there's other things I could do to improve my situation, other than or along with therapy, which I most likely will pursue at a later date.

Thanks for being there and for understanding :)