Guess the fact of the matter is that the motivation just isn't there. I haven't been motivated to work at achieving my goals and, as a result, I'm still having problems and I'm still getting frustrated. Yes, I know, probably another thing I could use therapy for... but at this point I'm getting used to the fact that I'm a complete mess! No seriously, it's something I'm considering at some point in the future. It couldn't hurt, but back to the matter at hand...
I'm usually so overzealous about making goals, but then when it comes to doing the actual work- it's so freakin' hard. Yet, somehow, some way, I expect that things are going to get better on their own. Now, that's really unrealistic and stupid. The logical part of me knows that things just don't improve for no reason...well, not typically. In most cases, the person has to really want to change for anything to happen.
I thought I did want that, but then I sometimes question that. Or maybe I'm just lazy. That might very well be. I'm not going to lie, I can be lazy. When I don't "feel like" doing something, many times I won't do it. Lately, when it comes to this disease, I just don't feel like dealing with some things.
As a grown-up/adult, we all know that there are things we have to do whether we want to do them or not. It's a matter of being responsible and mature. Let's face it, a lot of things in life aren't things we want to do. Managing this disease isn't fun and, a lot of times, it can be a pain in the ass. I am well aware of that fact.
For some reason, logging, which should only take a moment, is something I struggle with. I think it may be due to me being a bit on the sloppy/disorganized side. I'm often rushing or running late for this or that and some things fall by the way side. Recording my blood sugar readings is one such thing. I know that, even if I am rushing, I should be doing it. Regardless of time of whatever the circumstance I am in, I need to make time for it. It's just that important and, yet, I don't.
Scott was very generous in offering me help with that- possibly giving me access to a logging system that Kevin came up with. Hey, it sounds pretty awesome and I'd like to try using it. Seems like a pretty easy and, generally, good way to keep track of your blood sugar readings. I think it could be something that is really useful to me... Thanks so much, Scott and Kevin :)
My other struggle in one word is my ... diet. I usually eat the same thing EVERY night. Problem is, no matter how I bolus for it, I can never predict the result. Actually, that's not necessarily true. Usually I can predict that my post-dinner reading will be high.
It frustrates the hell out of me, b/c I eat mostly vegetables and protein and, often, there's very little carbohydrates in my evening meal. Yet, I test 2 hours later and my reading is predictably high. I just don't get it.
To give you an example, tonight I got home from a yoga class, and made a turkey cutlet (lowfat, boneless/skinless) and roasted it with some vegetables (asparagus, onions, zucchini) and I had a salad as well with some red fat dressing (relatively low carb). I eat this almost every night for dinner. I know, how boring, but since I'm no chef, I go with what I know and what I like. Anyway, I tested after the meal 1.5 hrs later and I was 263? And I was still hungry! HUH?
Ok, yes, I started on the high side... I was 221 after the class, but I took a 1.5 correction bolus for it, so I thought I'd be ok. Then I also took a 3.5 unit meal bolus to cover my meal. I guess I underestimated...
Honestly, I have no idea how much carbs are in a serving of asparagus, zucchini, or red onion... I don't even know how much is a serving. So that may be the problem. However, I assume that they are relatively low carb. I know, I should have tried to find this information, but again, me being lazy... :o- (If anyone knows, please share ;) )
Now I'm debating whether to just stop eating a dinner meal....either that, or just eating absolutely no carbs at dinner. I mean, here I am eating what I think is pretty low carb and still going high so maybe I should just cut all the carbs out.
The problem with that is , I don't even know what I would eat then. I already eat very little carbs at lunch (usually salad with salmon or grilled chicken and strawberries). And I think it would be boring to eat the same meal twice a day, but I don't know, maybe that's what I'll have to do.
I often entertain the idea of skipping dinner, but I honestly I hate the idea of doing that. First, b/c I enjoy eating too much ;), but second I think that could easily backfire. It may not help with my elevated numbers at night, or even if it does, I may end up grazing too much which will then affect my blood sugar as well. Seems like a no win situation.
At this point I don't know what to do. Let me take that back. No, I know I need to start logging. But I don't know what to do about my evening numbers. This problem has been going on forever and, at first, I thought it was caused from rebounding from my nightly exercise. But it seems to be happening regardless. What do you all think I should do?
Do you think I should switch to no carb dinner meals? And if so, what kind of meals fit the bill... I could use ideas for easy, quick dinner meals.
Should I skip dinner all together? Like I said, this isn't the option that I would choose, but perhaps that's what it will take to see improvement.
I want to thank you all in advance for all the help/advice/ideas/suggestions... I think I'd be lost without you all. Also... thanks so much for the encouragement on the A1c... Yes, I was disappointed, but I guess it's like a wake-up call to try harder. Now, I just have to make myself do it.
posted by Andrea at
10:18 PM
7 Comments:
I'm the same way with setting goals...I get all ambitious, but when it comes to follow through, I fizzle out quickly.
I found that practice is what it takes. If you just do it without expecting to do it perfectly every day, you'll feel some pressure come off and you'll be more likely to stick with it.
I'm like that with diet and exercise. If I fall off the wagon, instead of totally giving up like I used to, I just return to my routine and it seems easier.
I don't know if any of this makes sense.
Hey there,
Thanks for your kind wishes at my blog.
Are you sure you don't need to adjust either your basal rate or your insulin to carb or correction bolus ratio? I know you expressed some concern about weight gain with insulin, but the double-edged sword there is that if you want lower bloodsugars you made need more insulin...
The amount of carbs in the veggies depends on the serving sizes, but it's not that much -- like, not as much as rice or pasta or bread. How many grams of carb are you bolusing for and how much are you eating? I think I can help with more detail on that piece.
If you're concerned about weight gain, skipping a meal is the last thing you want to do AND skipping carbs altogether rates pretty low on the list of things to do. Your body's metabolism needs to eat to function properly and needs a healthy mix of carbs, protein, and fat to do so -- especially given the diabetes. Skipping a meal is only going to further throw of your metabolic processes and is not going to help with keeping at a healthy weight, losing weight, or getting better control. I used to skip at least one meal a day, with no weight loss at all and at times, I was barely eating and I'd GAIN weight -- now, I eat three small meals and two snacks and I've lost over 15 pounds in the past two months. Bodies need food to work properly -- the key is the kind of food you eat and the portion sizes... But then again, you likely already know that.
Lastly, it's not surprising to me that you're hungry with a bloodsugar of 263, even if you've already eaten. One of the symptoms of high bloodsugar is hunger, it's your bodies natural reaction to being high... I always try to keep some sugar free popsicles or jello around the house for times when my bloodsugar is high and I'm hungry from it...
You need to log, Andrea. I know that you lack the motivation, but often all it takes is that first step.
Again, I'll stress that the newer model insulin pumps can be downloaded, showing all sorts of important values, including carbohydrates per meal/snack. I leave the rest up to memory, write it down when I have a minute, then print the report from Minimed's software on a weekly basis.
Then too there are numerous programs available to help you with logging. Before I became a pumper, I used the Diabetes Pilot software (google it) on my PDA. It was FANTASTIC. There is a PC and a PDA version so you can utilize whatever is most appropriate for you. The PDA version also does all of the necessary calculations for bolus dosages (if I recall correctly). It also has a carb database.
Asparagus (raw) = 3.8g CHO per each 5-7" stalk; approx. 4.0g CHO when cooked
Asparagus (canned) = 1.5g CHO per cup
Zucchini cooked with skin = 4.0g CHO per 1 cup sliced
Onions (cooked) = 5g CHO per 1/2 cup chopped
Please don't stop eating dinner. If you can start logging then you should be able to determine whether your bolus ratio needs to be adjusted for the dinner meal.
How 'bout using your blog to log? (oooh, that's catchy!) Or even making a new, private blog that only you can see, where you record daily events? You could take time during your lunch break at work or whenever you have a minute to enter values and publish them. Would you do something like that?
Sometimes it is also a great help to be accountable to someone. Do you have a CDE? Often you can make arrangements to email weekly records to your CDE for review; this often inspires people to actually make the effort.
And hey, even Nike knows you 'just do it'!
;)
Email me if there's anything at all that I can do to help you, Andrea!
You all are so awesome :o)! I SO appreciate your comments, support, and advice. i can't say enough how nice it is to have such a great network of friends to lean on.
Shannon- thank-you for your post. What you say makes a lot of sense... I don't know why things have to be so difficult. I don't think I am asking for too much or making unattainable goals for myself. I simply want to control my disease. But, of course, that's easier said than done.
I'm glad that you have found things that work for you...I'm going to try an not set my expectations too high- maybe that's why I often get disapponted.
thanks again for your wise words.
Nicole...
Hey there :). Yeah, no I know all about my conflict with my weight and insulin useage. And, I agree, I probably do need to increase my rates a bit or change my carb to insulin ratio. Neither thing I am particularly thrilled with doing, but my health is too important to let things slide.
I generally guess that I am eating about 15-20 grams of carb for my veggies and another 15-20 grams for my salad. My total dose I give myself is about 4 units. But maybe I should add another two units in there...especially since I typically end up high in the 200 range. What do you think?
I know, I know...skipping meals and/or cutting out all carbs are kind of drastic moves. I don't really like the sound of doing it. Frankly, I look forward to eating too much... as sad as that sounds, and I probably wouldn't be able to do it. But those things were ideas I was entertaining. Guess I'm just sick of dealing with this issue.
Thank-you so much, Nicole :)... I think you really know what you are doing and I appreciate all your advice, support, and ideas. Maybe you will rub off on me and I'll start doing better. One can hope, right? :)
Tiff...
Hey, chica! :)
You know I'm so grateful for you help and advice... I'll take your help anytime- god knows I could use it!
I am aware that I need to log... I have the 511 pump, I don't know if I can use any of MM's software... what do I need to be able to use it? I think it would be cool to use, sounds like it has a lot of good tools.
The Diabetes Pilot also sound cool. Do you know how much it costs for the PC? I think I need to invest in something, b/c then I think it will give me more incentive to keep track of my blood sugar readings. Do you not use this anymore? If not, why? Do you have something better?
OMG- you are a god-send :). Thanks for all those carb values and serving sizes. wow, guess I was a bit off track. Especially regarding the asparagus. I though it might be about 5 to 10 carbs for about that many spears. I didn't realize they have 4 grms per spear...omg. well, now I know! As for the other veggies, phew, glad that they are pretty low carb. :)
That's a good idea about starting a blog to record my numbers. Only thing is, I don't think I'd be able to log them everyday. AND this is lazy girl we are talking about. I can't even flip open that pages of a log book, much less start another blog to record my numbers. Sad and pathetic, but true. It is a good idea though... maybe someday.
I like your suggestion about emailing my CDE/dietician. I think that could be something that possibly works, but I have another little issue. My CDE doesn't give out her email...so guess not. I guess I could fax my numbers in to her every week, but I'm not sure she'd want that either. She'd probably say she has other patients too and can't just focus on me and my problems, which I guess I understand. Don't get me wrong, I like her, she's very intelligent and honest (and she's also diabetic), but she isn't the most agreeable. I will ask her...it doesn't hurt.
I'm really going to try and take your advice to "just do it". You are so right about that...I can't let my motivation, or lack there of rather, get in the way. Got to set my goals and go for it.
Again, thanks SO much for your encouragement, and advice, and for everything. You are too wonderful for words. Hope I can be helpful to you, too, someday!
www.calorieking.com has all the carb and nutritional information your little heart desires. I use this all the time.
Maybe you can start with baby steps. Log for a week and at the end of the week, if you've logged EVERYTHING, give yourself some kind of reward. Then do it for 10 days, again with a reward. Eventually it will become a habit. I know it's a pain in the arse to log - I go thru spurts of not logging, too - but I think you'd have a better handle on your post-prandials if you logged consistently.
Hey Andrea - I need your e-mail address so I can send along Kevin's Excel logbook I posted on a while back...
Thanks!
As far as I'm aware, the 511 isn't compatible with any of Minimed's software...checking...nope, it looks like the advent of the BD Link meter and the software upgrades that occured with the 512 make or break the whole downloading/software thing.
Are you out of your warranty on your 511 yet? If not, then you can upgrade to a newer version...I'm not sure what it costs in the States but I'd guess that upgrading to the 515/715 couldn't be any more than $500. And if you're almost out of your warranty, then start looking at all the options. Every pump on the market right now has some sort of calculator built in to do the math for you, and will download to software on your PC.
Go to carelink.minimed.com if you want to see an overview of the x12/x15/x22 series management program.
The Diabetes Pilot PC software costs about $40. (www.diabetespilot.com). The only reason I stopped using it is because I had my 512 and didn't have to log all that stuff anymore.
First time I ever checked the CHO of asparagus, it caught me off guard too! I mean, they're not really sweet (depending on the season, and even then...) and for cripes sake they're a veggie! Is there no justice in the world...
I truly don't think that laziness has anything to do with your not logging. Have you tried to pinpoint the reason that you're so adverse to it? Maybe you view it as a constant - and hateful - reminder of the burden that you live with? If you can find out why you hate it so much, maybe you can work out a way to turn things around :)
Girl, you need a new CDE. I cannot believe that. My CDE(s) gladly give their email, cell phone and home number if necessary to their clients, and even to their clients family members in case of emergency. What if you try explaining your situation to her, and see if she can rise to the occasion? (if not, I suggest you tell her not to let the door hit her in the @$$ on her way out!)
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