Saturday, September 17, 2005

I think I have lost control over my diabetes . Lately, things haven't been so hot regarding my management of this disease. I feel disappointed and angry that I've let myself slip so much . It seems whenever I test now, most likely the reading I will get will be high.

Today, I went to a grocery store that usually puts out samples for the customer. It happens that there was a lot of good stuff out when I visited and I did help myself. Then I had a salad for lunch, which basically consisted of lettuce, cucumber, red onion, a little wild rice, and a red. fat raspberry vinagrette. I came home 5 hours after and my blood sugar was 350! I couldn't believe it, I did bolus for the salad which I thought would be more than enough and yet I was much too high. Now, yes, some might say don't worry too much about it if it's an isolated matter, but this happens to me way more than it should. Often it's when I try to eat healthy, like a salad. I must admit that I think salads can be tricky to bolus for . A lot depends on what you put in a salad so many times I guess at how much to bolus and the far majority of the time I am wrong :. Lately, I've been eating salads a lot, so it's a problem.

Another issue is that I haven't been testing as much lately. I'll test maybe 3 or 4 times tops on a given day. Then to make matters worse, I don't keep log of my sugars...which I find really stupid . Keeping log is probably the easiest part of managing this disease and for some odd reason it's hard for me to pick up a pen and write down my number. I don't know if it's just pure laziness or what, but to do that is a major chore. Plus, someone had very generously given me a cable for downloading my sugars and I still haven't tried to use it! I'm so aggravated with myself right now .

I wish I knew why I've grown so lax with managing things . I don't think I'm living in denial. I know what can happen to me if I let things continue (and it scares the hell out of me! ). I think it is more likely a lack of motivation. I just can't seem to get into controlling this disease better. I know that's a sucky excuse, but that's my problem right now. My A1c is more than overdue by now (i have my apt. next month)and frankly, I am a bit afraid of what the results will be. I know that they won't be where I would like. I was thinking that maybe the results will help me to see how far off things are and will push me to try harder and improve things, but I don't think I should let things wait. Things need to change now.


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