Saturday, October 01, 2005

Yesterday was Friday...which usually is good, but for some reason I wasn't so happy about how the afternoon went at work. I was pleasantly surprised when the morning went by so quickly, but in the afternoon things took a turn for the worse. The problem??? The women I work with are so damn catty. It just gets on my nerves. Basically what happened was one of my co-workers was leaving to start in a different position at a new facility and Friday was his last day. So as a nice way to send him off, they had pizza and cake for him (which brings me to a different subject - I'll get to that later). I thought that was a nice gesture and it was a nice way to say good-bye... until it was time for him to go. He went around saying good-bye to everyone and I guess he leaned in for a good-bye hug/kiss with the people he has worked with for a while (not me). No sooner had he turned his back, did they start backstabbing him, b/c of the whole kiss thing. They acted like it was a long, smooch on the mouth, when it was just a polite kiss on the cheek good-bye. The way they went on about it was unbelievable...just so obnoxious and uncalled for. You'd think that these women could act mature about things and be respectful, but I guess that's asking too much. It made me realize that people don't change too much from high school. I swear if I closed my eyes during this whole thing, I'd think we were back there! I'm sure the one really responsible for the catty behavior is this woman, M. The only things I ever hear coming out of her mouth are ugly things. She's just not a nice person at all and for some reason she really bothers me. Personally, I haven't heard her say anything about me, but I'm sure she has said things, which I don't get. When I picture her, I don't see her as anything so great, and yet she acts this way. Maybe that's the reason. I find the people who are the nastiest, are usually the ones who shouldn't be making the comments. I guess to put others down makes them feel better about themselves. I'm going to try and not let her get to me, but it's hard when I'm situated in the same area. Honestly, she isn't worth my energy worrying about what she is saying.

So I mentioned the pizza and the cake on Friday...the reason being that I really haven't been eating so well lately. I think it's emotional eating to deal with uncomfortable feelings and stress, but I really need to stop it before it gets any more out of control. Thursday...I was ok, until I got home from the gym. I wasn't even that hungry for dinner. I showered and then I finally sat down to eat. I guess I was hungrier than I thought, b/c I ate a LOT of the cheese corn puffs I had bought at TJs. Then I felt like crap, of course. Then yesterday, I had the ice-cream, and pizza, and then I got home and still ate more than I should have. Tonight, I just got home from baby-sitting and again I have to admit I overdid it with the food. I don't know what comes over me...I guess when I get down, food is comforting to me. It's a bad way to look at food, but I think I learned it from when I was a child and, evidently, it has really changed. I know I need to get back on track and watch it. To eat like I have been is only going to lead to problems down the I 'm going to work harder at keeping to a healthy diet.

Changing subjects somewhat... I was discussing luck with my Mom this evening. I think I have the worst luck then anyone I know. I guess I'm kind of feeling sorry for myself, but this is how I honestly feel. Frankly, I don't really like my job, , my personal life is basically non- existent, and my health, well, you know my health status. Diabetes just makes everything more difficult. I know people who deal with difficult things, but usually they have something going well in their life too. For me, I don't really have anything. It's really negative- I guess you could say I'm a negative person...but I think if I am, it's because of my past experiences. I truly believe that the past shapes who you are as a person. I've gone through a lot of unpleasant things and sad times. I'd like to believe that those hard times have made me a stronger person, and maybe they have somewhat, but I think they have also taken a lot out of me and it's hard for me to be positive about life and the future. I wish I could be...I wish I could be enthusiastic and hopeful about the things to come, but right now...I don't see a reason to. I probably sound like an ungrateful brat, I know. I'm sure I have it better than many others, but sometimes it's hard for me to see beyond my own experience. Wow, I just processed that, that's so self-centered, but I admit it's the truth. I'm just so sick of being disappointed.


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