Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I hate having Diabetes. I actually resent having it. I find it a major inconvenience, and even when I'm not thinking about it directly, it's at the back of my mind. For example, when I'm at work- I think,"did I eat right at breakfast","Did I check to make sure I bolused", "Do I have enough insulin to last the day in my reservoir", "Am I going low/high"? Then when I'm at the gym, I think: "Am I working out hard enough" "Am I dropping too low, having a hypoglycemic episode" These are just the typical questions that run through my head ALL day and ALL night (aside from when I'm sleeping- and who knows what is going on subconsciously?). I wonder, when I have trouble or frustration controlling my Diabetes-if part of the problem is the possibility that I haven't completely accepted my diagnosis. I still want to eat what I want/when I want it...and not worry about the consequences. I want to be able to work out as long and hard as I want...and not worry about the consequences. I want to be able to not worry about insulin or whether my infusion site/set is ok...and not worry about the consequences. Ok, ok, I guess you get my drift. I want to be able to live my life and not stress about these issues and the fact that I have to be always observant of these things really aggravates and annoys me at times.

I read Sandra's post about Keeping the Faith (at a Shot in the Dark- see Link) for a cure. I would really love to believe that there is one coming just around the corner, but the cynical, maybe, more realistic side of me knows that probably isn't the case. I think there are definite advancements and progress is being made, and that's wonderful, but I think what we need even more is a cure. I posted many times how heartbreaking it is to me, that children have to live with a disease like this. Children shouldn't have to have all these worries about their health. Then there's the question, Sandra posted on her site, how do you answer a question like "Mom, when is there going to be a cure"? I don't have children, but I'm not sure how I would answer that question if I did have a son or daughter with the illness. I guess the best way is to be honest, and say that we don't know, but we hope and pray that there will be one soon.

Yes, I have my moments where this disease really gets to me and gets me down, but I guess in a way we should be thankful too. This disease sucks, but at least we can manage it and control it. There are so many other disease and conditions where, I'm sure, the person feels almost powerless. So knowing that we have that capability, we should do everything we can to control it and not let it control us.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I posted this on Sandra's blog as well, and our daughter is only 3, so she isnt managing her diabetes herself, but she is a happy, healthy little girl. She won't know a different life without diabetes until there is a cure (which Im sure will cost her dearly in therapy!), but for now, she does everything else every other kid her age does. And she will continue to, though, Im sure as she gets older, she will be faced with challenges that, as her parents, we can't control.


3:42 PM  
Blogger Sandra Miller said...

Andrea, thank you -- for both a thoughtful post and comment (over at my blog).

Last night was rough-- not the first time Joseph has asked this question, but the first time in a while. I know this is all getting to him-- to all of us.

But as you say here, we have to keep the faith that one day there will be a cure. And in the meantime, do what we can to control the disease versus the other way around.

Take care,


6:26 PM  
Anonymous gina said...

I know exactly how you feel and all i can tell you is that it does get better with time.

10:33 PM  
Blogger mytime79 said...

I like what you wrote about thinking about diabetes all the time, practically all day long. My roommate (also really good friend) made a comment to me the other day similar to, "If you have to have a disease, diabetes is probably okay because you can control it right??"

I think I internally got upset about that comment because I do have to think about the disease almost every minute of every day (what am I going to wear, eat, exercise, drinking, going to a work meeting, the list goes on). No I'm not in pain every minute of every day, but the burden of the disease is enough to deal with.

I don't know about a cure. I guess I never really think about that.

1:36 PM  

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