Monday, December 08, 2003

I am such an emotional basket case, it's disgusting. I wish I could toughen up a little, b/c I am sick of being this way. Today I was totally feeling down and depressed, and I really don't think I really have a good reason for it. I talked with Mom today, and I now see that for awhile I was blaming my mood on a talk I had with her this morning. We started talking about gratitude for everything we have. I know I should feel grateful for any blessings I have, but all I could think about is everything I don't have. I have a sh%tty job, I barely afford my tiny, very basic apt., I don't have many friends, and on top of everything else and probably most significant is trying and sometimes unsuccessfully managing my Diabetes. That really upsets me the most. I guess before my diagnosis, I took my health for granted, but now I realize that with your heath you can do anything. I don't feel like I have it anymore. Along with that conversation, the only explanation I can think of for my emotional state is hormones, blood sugar levels, the season, and just overall tiredness. It has affected how I have been feeling all day. I have almost burst into tears several times at work today, and I know it's b/c I am feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes I really overindulged in throwing a pity party for myself. God, I wish I could be a little tougher emotionally.


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