Monday, August 27, 2007

Just for those who are wondering, yes, I am still alive! Also, want to add special thanks to those who made special inquiries about me here in my comments- it's always nice to feel missed! :) Thank-you so much!


I am not sure what I wrote about in my last post- I think it was a MEME- and I know I have yet to talk about my vacation (which actually seems like a lifetime ago!)- but I have so much going on right now that I would like to share...that I'm not sure when I'm going to get to that or if I am even going to get to it at all. In fact, I am not even sure where I should start right now!

Well, I guess one of the things that I should probably mention is my Diabetes... I went for my Endo apt and A1c reading about a month ago. Unfortunately, my A1c wasn't too good- 8.2. It came down from my previous one of 8.4, but still not exactly a reading I would hope for :(.

I know that a lot has to do with motivation. Put quite simply, I lack it!

Ok, I haven't been completely neglectful of my Diabetes, but I know I could be (and should be) doing so much more!

Basically, as things stand now, I do just about the minimum I can to get by. :-s That's really not good enough. Guess that's apparent from my A1c! But I just cannot seem to get my act together no matter how much I vow that I am going to put more effort in!

Actually, I take that back, I have made one change- which is a start at least.

I have started logging my numbers. What's been working for me is keeping the small little log book with my meter at all times... In fact, I don't zip up my meter at all! I just lay my lancet device, test strips, meter and tuck the little log book right in too... When I go to test, I see the log book, and I take the minute it takes to write down the number.

Ok, confession, the last two days, I haven't logged... But as a whole, I have... and I do feel like it's helping. It's certainly making me more aware of things. I can see from the log times, different patterns and so forth, like especially times when I tend to run high. And I recognize other things like my underestimation of boluses, how snacking affects blood sugar, and how sensitive my body seems to be to carbs! So for these reasons, and others, I know I need to keep logging away.

Oh, one other thing, Diabetes related. My warranty on my pump is up! Meaning I have to decide on what I want to do. Do I want to continue with MM? Or do I want to try a different pump?

I am actually quite mixed about this... MM, yes, I know the company and have a certain comfort level, but I have also had a lot of problems with the company too... I can't even count how many pumps I have to send back to some kind of malfunction! Grrr....

That said, I do have one of their worst pumps, the 511, which is know to have problems and a bad reputation, but still! I would never imagine I would have ALL the problems I have had over the years with my pump.

But, at the same time, I know that the company is a forerunner in coming out with new technology. I do like the idea of that...

But what about the other pumps available... How do I know there isn't a different one that is better suited for me? Yes, you can do the research and find information, but I'm not sure that there is a tell-tale way to know for sure.

You know, I would think I would be somewhat excited about this, but I'm not. I kind of wish I didn't have to do this right nowat all. Again, I guess its about my lack of motivation... which kind of leads me to my next topic...



For a while this summer... I thought I was doing better with this. I felt ok, I had some really good things happen, and I wasn't nearly as depressed as I had been in the recent past. B/c I felt better, I stopped attending group therapy and also my individual therapy... well, that's part of the reason anyway.

But just this past weekend, I had a setback... it was actually just yesterday and I'm still upset about it.

I had a pretty good weekend up to that point, but then something happened last night which really upset me. It upset me so much, I couldn't stop crying.

If I told you all what it was, you'd probably think I was blowing things way out of proportion and making a mountain out of a molehill, and you'd probably be right. But in that moment, it hurt me a lot. And it showed me that I still haven't gotten over all the issues I have with myself.

I know I need to return to therapy. So just like everything else, I have to find the motivation to find someone around here to see ( since I've changed jobs and aren't close to my old therapist and group anymore). I know that I have to do it, though, especially given what happened last night.


Lastly, I have also been dealing with a real PITA lately- and that's fatigue! I find that, at certain points of the day (usually mid morning and mid afternoon), I get extremely tired! So tired, that I could literally fall asleep sitting up!

It doesn't sound like such a big deal, but when you are struggling so much to stay awake, IT IS!

What worries me is that it is affecting my job... As a medical coder, there is a need for productivity- which means I am expected to code a certain amount of records per hour... Well, needless to say, I am far below my goals, which is really NOT good, considering they let someone go b/c of this reason. So it's important that I feel well enought to do my job and, as things stand now, I feel pretty much like crap! And I'm pretty damn sure my fatigue is playing a role on it.

To make matters worse, it's not something easy to figure out. I have considered, my stress/depression levels, my lack of diabetes control, my need for more sleep, as reasons for it. But, saying that, I still don't know.

I saw my Endo and CDE/dietitian and explained my situation and they aren't quite sure on why I feel this way... just suggested that I try to get things back under control. Plus, they also think that it may not be the Diabetes for sure.

So then I saw my PCP... I also explained the situation to her and, again, she also has no clear answers :(. According to her, she feels it's Diabetes related! So which is it? Is it Diabetes related or not???

Well, she decided to run some blood tests just to rule things out. I got the results and most everything is fine... with the exception of two things- my blood sugar was a little high (gee, what a surprise!) and my liver enzymes were slightly elevated.

I wasn't too worried about the sugar levels- I mean, I do know where things stand. But I was kind of worried about the liver enzymes. Stupid me, I googled what it could mean and I scared myself even more. My PCP wanted me to go for an addition lab test just to make sure results were valid.. which I did last Tuesday... But I'm still yet to hear the results.

I'm thinking it must be ok, b/c otherwise I think that the office would have contacted me sooner, but I am going to call them again tomorrow (which will be the 3rd time) to find out for sure. Hopefully, I'm just worrying for nothing.


Oh, I guess I lied! I do have one more thing to mention, or should I say I have a question to ask... I want to post something and have it password protected, but I'm not sure exactly how to do this or if it's even possible. I don't know if blogger even allows that. So if anyone knows, could you please leave me a comment? Thanks so much! :)