Monday, January 22, 2007

I had hoped tht today would start a fresh, new, AND better week... What the hell was I thinking?!

My blood sugar over the weekend was absolutely HORRIBLE . Saturday, I came home from the gym and tested... To my dismay I was over 200. Ok,that was a bit of a surprise, but I took a correction dose, and tried to shrug it off. The next reading would surely be better, right?! WRONG!!! Hours later, it still hadn't come down (it was in the low 200s)...which didn't make sense. When I took that reading, I took a correction, and also had not eaten for the rest of the afternoon! Usually, things would have come down considerably, so this was strange for me. The next time I ate, it was 8 pm... I, obviously, wasn't happy with things, but what could I do?

THe next morning, I tested and, again, I was high ... I was still hovering in the 200s. No, that wasn't exactly what I was hoping to see, but I was sort of relieved that it wasn't higher. Anyways, I ate my breakfast of virtually little to no carbs and then went to the gym... After the gym, I tested again- this time I was even higher . I rang in at lovely 300 ** note my sarcasm**! I freaked out a bit. I had just about had it with everything. And my rage, frustration, and sadness kind of took over. I did pull it together, but it took me a long while to do that. However, I felt emotionally and physically spent at that point...

Usually, I would try to not eat too much and try to wait and see if my blood sugar came down at all. Not this time! I was like screw that, I'm hungry and I'm eating... so I got a good lunch-nothing extreme, but enough to keep me satisfied.

I was still running high all evening... When I got home that night, my blood sugar was even higher- My next test was 425! . I that point, I had had it. I took some insulin... and took some more... and took some more. Yes, I even took a correction by syringe. Surely, that would be enough to stabelize my blood sugar.

Sadly, this morning things were not any better . I still was in the 200s! WTF!

The thought that my site might be the culprit had entered my mind, but I had dismissd it... why? I don't know. But, now I realized that my site was definitely the problem. First, it was swollen all around the site & sore. And, it was painful when I took a bolus! Two signs that something is going on!

**Ok, little confession, I left this site in a little longer -ok, a lot longer- than I should have. I had misplaced my serter and, being a big baby, I couldn't bring myself to insert a new site without one... I have never manually insered one. Also, I thought I would find it. But, no such luck!**

So here I was with horrible blood sugars, a swollen/sore site, and to top things off I was a complete emotional mess. I didn't know what to do, but I came up with plan. I thought I would drive to work, look for the serter, and take things from there. Since I work for a hospital, I thought I could always go to Employee health if I couldn't find it. And, hopefully, they'd be able to help me out.

Like I said, I didn't find it and at that point, I was so upset! I showed up at work, looked around for my serter, but found nothing. All it took was for one of my coworkers to comment on how I looked (ok, I looked like a mess) and I broke down... My coworkers probably thought I completely lost it, which I pretty much had. But one was nice and offered to walk with me to EH.

Employee health couldn't help me out... She listened to me, but told me that she couldn't do anything bout my poor blood sugar control or the site. She suggested that I see my Endocrinologist.

I should have listened to her, but I thought there MUST be something they can do. It is a hospital afterall. I asked her if I could go to the ER. I thought they could at least look at the site, see if my blood counts were off (which would indicate an infection) and possibly help bring my blood sugar down.

They were little help, if any. They didn't know anything about insulin pumps and very little bout Diabetes. Plus, the whole department was completely disorganized. Yes, they drew blood and they tested my blood sugar, but that was the extent of things. There was no communication between the doctor and the staff and it took at least twice as long as it should have...

By the time I got out of there, I had spent a good 3 to 4 hours in the ER with nothing being resolved. At that point, I just wanted to go... Out of desperation and, basically, a whim, I decided to take a shot (no pun intended) and call my Endo's office to see if they had an extra serter onhand. For once in my life, something did work out! They had an extra serter, plus they were nice enough to assist me with back up long acting insulin. Not to mention they even took the time to examine the bad site and write out a script for an anti-biotic... Why didn't I just listen to EH when she told me to go there first???! Leave it to me to do things the hard way!

I apologize that this post is SO long, but I had to share this... Hope no one else expereiences a day like this anytime soon- I am SOO glad it's over! And, one more thing, I tested my blood sugar before dinner, and I was at an awesome 78! :) Rough day, but at least it ended ok.

I don't think I need to explain why I chose this song~ feeling a little "bent" is an understatement.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Yesterday, I never got around to posting a song ... Sorry about that- just was an incredibly hectic day. This would ordinarily end my week of doing this, but I think that since I skipped a day, I'll just end it tomorrow.

Before I put a close to this all, I can not ignore a group that I absolutely love. If you can't guess whom I'm referring to... I'll just let you take a look and listen to the song/video below. I love them! :) (Did I say that already?! lol)

Friday, January 19, 2007

I chose this song/video, b/c it's SO unique and different. It reminds me of my own dreams~ surreal, unusual, and bizarre, but that's what makes them so interesting. Sometimes I'll wake up and my dreams will be so vivid in my head that it really makes an impression on me, but more often than not (at least lately) I can't remember them. It's weird, but sometimes I look forward to going to sleep just so I can dream- I think in a way, it's a lot more interesting than my life. I hope that doesn't sound sad and pathetic.

Anyway, the song/video I chose is:

Thursday, January 18, 2007

This week has been rough for me, if you haven't guessed. I've become a complete basket case lately... I really thought I was doing better~ but then something happens and I have a set back (story of my life). I need to get a grip, I know.

Anyway, again, I had some difficulty choosing a song/video. I decided to choose a Sarah McLaughlin song. She's definitely one of my favorite artists- she sings with so much passion, emotion, and feeling... It gives me goose bumps to listen to her sing.

"Fallen" relates to so much in my life... I thought it would be a good choice.

I had this post all written last night... and, of course, I lost connection to the internet :( :( :(! Of course, I lost the post and I couldn't get back online. Usually, I would be up to all hours trying to get back online and usually making the problem worse, but since I've been so sleep deprived- I just went to bed... Ok, that's a lie- I ended up having a little binge last night, which isn't all that surprising considering how I've been feeling lately. And now, I'm paying for it- I woke up with my blood sugar over 300~ guess it's true about being your own worse enemy.

Anyway, now I owe two posts for today (since I was supposed to post one song per day). I'm going to post the song I selected for yesterday... Basically, this is what I'll be doing today... I'm so tired, I will be just floating along, going through the motions and trying to get through the day. Hopefully, it won't be too difficult of a day.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I'm having a bit of a down day today :(... Just not feeling that great about myself at the moment~ not that I do usually, but today it seems to be worse than normal. I know I'm overly tired and that's probably a major contributor to this, but this sucks BIG time.

I think I chose this song, b/c there is something sad about it- it really gets to me and stirs up a lot of emotions. It kind of goes along with the day I've been having (or should I say life?). Below is the video, which I'm not particularly fond of, but this song is one of my favorites.

Monday, January 15, 2007

I don't know why, but lately I've been having a lot of trouble falling asleep at night... Actually, I know a lot has to do with having a LOT on my mind... there seems to be thoughts constantly racing through my head. Yes, yet again, I have my anxiety to thank. But now that it's showing it's hideous face more and more and starting to affect different aspects of my life, I am begininng to realize that it's a bigger issue than I'd like to believe.

It's evident that this is beginning to be a big problem for me and it's one I'd like to do without. The only thing that has me puzzled is why NOW? As far as I'm aware of, there hasn't been any major change or transition in my life that would cause me to feel this anxious and lose those valuable hours of sleep. GRR, it's driving me crazy and, no, I'm not getting anywhere, so instead of continuing to waste my time trying to figure this out, I'm going to move on...try to, at least...that is, until I can find some appropriate way to deal with it.

So, on that note, when I was deciding on a song/video or today, it came down to 2 songs by artists that I really love and have mentioned in this blog countess times. But, as much as i tried, I couldn't decide between the two... I think both are pretty fitting, considering what I've been going through. However, since I could only find one on YOUTUBE, it made my decision easy afterall. I think this is an obvious choice- heck, it's performed by one of my favorite groups/artists and it's really good song!. Ok, so that's my lame introduction... now here's my song for today! :)

Sunday, January 14, 2007

This week, I am going to try something new... Instead of boring you will all the dreadfully boring details and monotony of my life, I am going to post a song/video for each day of the week.

I think sometimes music does a better job of expressing how we feel than sometimes we can express or put into words... I feel like it definitely enriches and makes my life more enjoyable-especially when I find a song I really love. Plus, I think you can tell a lot about a person from the type of music they listen to, what the song or music is about, and the melody.

So... I think I will give this a whirl. I hope others in blog cyberspace will also participate in this- I'd love to see what you all are listening to/ what kind of music you love. And if you like, you can even add a little explanation of why you like the song so much... Sometimes hearing why someone else likes a song/group/artist can make someone else look at something in a new way... at least that's what I find for myself.

Check this one out by Blue October... I love this song, it's really grown on me... There's just something about this song that captures how I feel most days. It's awesome and I hope you enjoy it! :)

Saturday, January 06, 2007

I've got a lot of stuff floating through my mind right now... though if you'd ask me to name what exactly I'm thinking about, I don't know if I'd be able to tell you. I wouldn't be able to earn that penny for my thoughts.

Honestly, I'm in a weird mood- sort of anxious (what else is new!) and restless. It's strange, b/c I 've been feeling like this more and more lately. I'll find myself distracted and preoccupied with all these different thoughts... and some of them are a little disconcerting- for lack of better words. I'd share these things, but I feel a little apprehensive ... I guess I don't feel completely safe and comfortable doing that. What I can tell you is that it has to do with life in general, the uncertainty and being unsure of what lies ahead.

I wish, in a way, that I had a crystal ball, that I had the ability to look ahead to what I can expect in the future. But, that said, I think sometimes it's better to leave the future unknown... I mean, if it's negative then why would you want to know that right now? I think that would make me more likely to lose my sanity, b/c I'd be so full of anxiety and worry about whatever it is.

Am I the only one who gets like this? Am I the only one who gets so restless and anxious about what lies ahead? I'm sure that there must be others... How do those of you who relate deal with these feelings?